Carson's Guide to Treating People Nicely

Disclaimer: I was thinking of this post for several different reasons. The main one is that I work in an office where we get several phone calls a day from people that lie to us, yell at us, and once they figure out that we know they are lying... they lie again. Or they hang up on us. So yeah. Please don't feel victimized -- it's not personal!

I have thought a lot about how I treat people lately. This all started because of my above disclaimer but it took me back to reflect on a lot of life events in which I was treated unkindly. People are jerks sometimes so I know that I have been a jerk to people too. I'm really sorry about that.

However, I have learned a lot these last couple months and I hope this post will be fun and informative for you. So here we go. 

CARSON'S GUIDE TO TREATING PEOPLE NICELY 

1. Remember that others have feelings too. 

I try to keep this in mind really often. People are really quick to be defensive and rude when their feelings get hurt and sometimes fail to see that they have hurt others as well. It takes some pride swallowing and a bit of an effort to step back and look at the situation objectively -- but if we become a person that attacks as soon as someone hurts our feelings (without regards to theirs) then we become someone that lacks in empathy and understanding. It's kind of a dead end at that point. 

2. Remember that others have had different life experiences than you.

So crucial. I'm a psych major. I've struggled with anxiety and depression (maybe I'm not done struggling with that). I've had some not so fun experiences in my life (but also a lot of good ones). A lot of people struggle with all sorts of things like this. On my side of things, I have witnessed a lot of insensitivity. A lot of reaching out for help and a lot of doors slammed in the face. I think many people have a "suck it up" attitude instead of a "I love you anyway" attitude and I really think that is why more and more people hide their feelings from their friends and loved ones.

My point isn't that I have had my share of hard times so feel bad for me... it's that people struggle and are looking for compassion from those around them. If someone tells you something about how they are feeling and you shut them down because you can't relate or refuse to have a little sympathy or compassion, then... I don't even know. I see this a lot. It breaks my heart. Please just stop.

Expect to see more of this later.

3. Don't say you will do something for someone and then get mad at them about it. 

Too often we feel obligated to do things for people because that is what nice people do but unless we are willing to either a) change and learn to be nice or b) learn to say no, then we are in the wrong. There is an exception if people are treating you like a doormat but if this is the case then please refer to point (b) that I made earlier. Kindly tell them no if it is better for both of you. But don't say you will help and then trash talk them or treat them unkindly. That isn't fair. 

4. Do not be rude if it isn't their fault. 

The phrase "don't shoot the messenger" comes to mind here. I am more often the victim in this situation just because, in my job, I am not the one that wrote the parking citation. I am, however, the one that takes all the yelling and swearing (yes, swearing). This is something I became very sensitive to as a missionary as well as working in a law enforcement office -- PRIDE stirs us up to anger even though that person likely isn't the one that wronged you. Control your temper. Nobody wants to help or work with someone that is rude. 

This brings me to the next really important point: 

5. Don't be rude if it IS their fault. 

This might be the most important point of this rant. I mean... guide. I spend a lot of time trying to figure certain things out but this is one I can't understand. Why do people feel justice when they yell at someone that made a mistake? Humans are human and they and their computers are not perfect. Mistakes happen. Glitches happen. Us workers in the parking office are happy to take responsibility and repair mistakes, but too often people are rude to us about it because we have greatly inconvenienced them (a two minute phone call really messes up their day, you know). This I just cannot figure out. I don't know what else to say. JUST BE NICE. Refer to point number one and your problem will be fixed and everyone can be happier. 

6. Do not reserve your kindness for certain people. 

Have you ever known someone that is nice to their mom but treats a fast food worker like the scum of the earth? Or maybe you have seen the opposite: someone that will be polite on the phone but talks to their dad like he is the least intelligent person they know. Yeah. I have seen this a lot and in both directions in all different circumstances. 

Why do we find it okay to live double standards? I have seen this a lot in families. They are generally nice people but they feel they have the right to be unkind. 

"We're family and I'm just trying to help..." 

...or they assume that because they are family they can say whatever they like because "oh, they'll forgive me. We're family. That's how it works!" 

Please refer to point number one. Family members have feelings and these may be some of the longest lasting and important relationships we have to maintain. If we are not willing to take the time to think about what we want to say and be kind then how can we expect to be close to them and invite a loving and accepting relationship? 

Kindness is universal. If you feel that you deserve kindness, then please understand that the people around you also deserve it.

7. Do not act like you are entitled to certain privileges and exceptions to rules.

This one gets my blood boiling. A month ago an employee at the university walked into the office with a citation and asked where he could leave it. He had parked incorrectly on campus and the clerk told him this. The man then said, "I was at a very important meeting with the president of the university. I'm sure this is invalid. Tell whoever is in charge of dismissing this to call me." And he left. 

For me, I don't really care who you are or how important your meeting was. Rules are rules and if you feel entitled to special privileges (when you know darn well you do not have them) then this happens. You treat people (that could help you) as less important than you. You are implying that because YOU are important it is okay that the rules were broken. But if someone of lesser importance breaks the rules, you know there would be no special treatment. 

Don't feel entitled. Don't feel like you are better than other people. 

I hope you enjoyed this. If not... sorry.