September 30th

One year ago, I was in the middle of the longest flight of my life. I still had my missionary tag on and I was suffering from the worst sinus infection I ever had. 

I had said goodbye to my missionary friends in Toulouse. 

J'ai dit au revoir au membres de Toulouse. 

I had spent a wonderful evening in the home of my mission president as he taught us about the Savior -- and how we might go home and forget how to be happy, but following the Savior will always bring us back. 

(And now I'm crying)

Then I spent several hours on a plane thinking about the entire year and a half. What I had done and seen. What I had felt. 

It was hard for me to look forward and dream of what life had in store for me. For the year and a half before that moment, I had come to know 6:30 alarms and standards of excellence. 

Revelatory personal study. 

Inviting others to come unto Christ.

Zone conferences and district meetings. 

A mandatory best friend (aka companion).

Angels bearing us up as we worked and worked and worked.

How was I supposed to know what life would be like on the other side? I had never been an RM before. I can still remember so clearly the pain of missing France and the panicked anticipation of my life to come.

Today makes exactly a year since I touched American soil again. Just a few thoughts.

First, I was really caught up in my last night with president and the rest of my missionary friends going home. I obviously had NO idea that my eventual husband was in that group. He was sitting in the mission office with me and was at the same table as me as we ate dinner. He was just a few chairs down as we sang Les Anges and cried. I have come to realize the blessing that it is to have an eternal and mandatory best friend that walked the same streets as you... speaking the same language and encountering the same difficulties. 

One of my biggest fears on the mission was marrying someone that didn't understand my mission: how much it means to me, what I felt, what I experienced. The thought of spending the rest of my life/eternity with someone that just didn't get it was petrifying. I think Heavenly Father perceived the realness of that fear and answered by putting Ryan just enough in my path that I wouldn't miss out on dating him when I got home. 

#blessings

Second, things are really really really different from before I was a missionary. I struggled to come home and not have Dreamer waiting for me. It took me pretty much the entire year and a half to figure out why I had to give up the thing that I loved the most. Not once did I regret going on a mission. I just had to figure out why. Personally, I think it took so long because at first I had a "why me" attitude and after so long of praying and not getting any answers... I decided I just wanted to know what I had to learn. 

I know Heavenly Father doesn't hate me and would never take something so special from me unless there was something important to learn. 

Then I stumbled across this quote: "The gospel is a plan of freedom that gives discipline to appetite and direction to behavior. This plan puts us on a path of increasing knowledge and capacity, increasing grace and light. It is the freedom to become what you can and ought to be. But for your freedom to be complete, you must be willing to give away all your sins, your willfulness, your cherished but unsound habits, perhaps even some good things that interfere with what God sees is essential for you."

Did that quote tell me exactly why I had to sell Dreamer to be a missionary? No. But I felt the strength of this statement in assuring me that something essential is in the works for me. In the meantime, my story inspired members and investigators and missionaries alike. It gave me a driving force when the days were hard. I would often tell myself that I did not lose my beautiful horse just to come here and give up. Maybe that was the chip on my shoulder that I needed to be the best I could be. 

Finally, I'm so happy to have lived this last year with a solid testimony. Before going to France, my testimony was somewhat solid. I don't think I could have taught the missionary lessons or held my ground against the #haters. 

During the mission, my testimony came like a sunrise (such a great talk, read here) and I can still remember those moment where the truth dawned on me. It was quiet, it was simple. The principles of the Gospel are true and I know because I wanted to know. 

President was right as he taught us! Even if we know the truth and have felt the whisperings of the Spirit, it is not difficult to fall away because of the "easiness of the way." It takes an effort, but it is worth the effort. 

The last e-mail I sent home from France still summarizes my feelings: 

"The loudest message I think I've had from my mission is that we rarely achieve what we want if we just sit around and wait for it to happen... and even if we do get up and try, we won't get very far without the Savior. They know who they want us to be and how we can get there. But it's hard for us to see. So we can try if we want... to do this alone. But we will never achieve our potential in this life without the help of our Heavenly Father. Sometimes we let pride get in the way. Sometimes we are tired. But if we can find a way to put our trust in them, things will get better. That's all there is to it. LIFE is hard, not the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that is true. 

The Savior lives. He loves us. He cannot wait to bless us, if we let Him. LET HIM."

Carson's Guide to Treating People Nicely

Disclaimer: I was thinking of this post for several different reasons. The main one is that I work in an office where we get several phone calls a day from people that lie to us, yell at us, and once they figure out that we know they are lying... they lie again. Or they hang up on us. So yeah. Please don't feel victimized -- it's not personal!

I have thought a lot about how I treat people lately. This all started because of my above disclaimer but it took me back to reflect on a lot of life events in which I was treated unkindly. People are jerks sometimes so I know that I have been a jerk to people too. I'm really sorry about that.

However, I have learned a lot these last couple months and I hope this post will be fun and informative for you. So here we go. 

CARSON'S GUIDE TO TREATING PEOPLE NICELY 

1. Remember that others have feelings too. 

I try to keep this in mind really often. People are really quick to be defensive and rude when their feelings get hurt and sometimes fail to see that they have hurt others as well. It takes some pride swallowing and a bit of an effort to step back and look at the situation objectively -- but if we become a person that attacks as soon as someone hurts our feelings (without regards to theirs) then we become someone that lacks in empathy and understanding. It's kind of a dead end at that point. 

2. Remember that others have had different life experiences than you.

So crucial. I'm a psych major. I've struggled with anxiety and depression (maybe I'm not done struggling with that). I've had some not so fun experiences in my life (but also a lot of good ones). A lot of people struggle with all sorts of things like this. On my side of things, I have witnessed a lot of insensitivity. A lot of reaching out for help and a lot of doors slammed in the face. I think many people have a "suck it up" attitude instead of a "I love you anyway" attitude and I really think that is why more and more people hide their feelings from their friends and loved ones.

My point isn't that I have had my share of hard times so feel bad for me... it's that people struggle and are looking for compassion from those around them. If someone tells you something about how they are feeling and you shut them down because you can't relate or refuse to have a little sympathy or compassion, then... I don't even know. I see this a lot. It breaks my heart. Please just stop.

Expect to see more of this later.

3. Don't say you will do something for someone and then get mad at them about it. 

Too often we feel obligated to do things for people because that is what nice people do but unless we are willing to either a) change and learn to be nice or b) learn to say no, then we are in the wrong. There is an exception if people are treating you like a doormat but if this is the case then please refer to point (b) that I made earlier. Kindly tell them no if it is better for both of you. But don't say you will help and then trash talk them or treat them unkindly. That isn't fair. 

4. Do not be rude if it isn't their fault. 

The phrase "don't shoot the messenger" comes to mind here. I am more often the victim in this situation just because, in my job, I am not the one that wrote the parking citation. I am, however, the one that takes all the yelling and swearing (yes, swearing). This is something I became very sensitive to as a missionary as well as working in a law enforcement office -- PRIDE stirs us up to anger even though that person likely isn't the one that wronged you. Control your temper. Nobody wants to help or work with someone that is rude. 

This brings me to the next really important point: 

5. Don't be rude if it IS their fault. 

This might be the most important point of this rant. I mean... guide. I spend a lot of time trying to figure certain things out but this is one I can't understand. Why do people feel justice when they yell at someone that made a mistake? Humans are human and they and their computers are not perfect. Mistakes happen. Glitches happen. Us workers in the parking office are happy to take responsibility and repair mistakes, but too often people are rude to us about it because we have greatly inconvenienced them (a two minute phone call really messes up their day, you know). This I just cannot figure out. I don't know what else to say. JUST BE NICE. Refer to point number one and your problem will be fixed and everyone can be happier. 

6. Do not reserve your kindness for certain people. 

Have you ever known someone that is nice to their mom but treats a fast food worker like the scum of the earth? Or maybe you have seen the opposite: someone that will be polite on the phone but talks to their dad like he is the least intelligent person they know. Yeah. I have seen this a lot and in both directions in all different circumstances. 

Why do we find it okay to live double standards? I have seen this a lot in families. They are generally nice people but they feel they have the right to be unkind. 

"We're family and I'm just trying to help..." 

...or they assume that because they are family they can say whatever they like because "oh, they'll forgive me. We're family. That's how it works!" 

Please refer to point number one. Family members have feelings and these may be some of the longest lasting and important relationships we have to maintain. If we are not willing to take the time to think about what we want to say and be kind then how can we expect to be close to them and invite a loving and accepting relationship? 

Kindness is universal. If you feel that you deserve kindness, then please understand that the people around you also deserve it.

7. Do not act like you are entitled to certain privileges and exceptions to rules.

This one gets my blood boiling. A month ago an employee at the university walked into the office with a citation and asked where he could leave it. He had parked incorrectly on campus and the clerk told him this. The man then said, "I was at a very important meeting with the president of the university. I'm sure this is invalid. Tell whoever is in charge of dismissing this to call me." And he left. 

For me, I don't really care who you are or how important your meeting was. Rules are rules and if you feel entitled to special privileges (when you know darn well you do not have them) then this happens. You treat people (that could help you) as less important than you. You are implying that because YOU are important it is okay that the rules were broken. But if someone of lesser importance breaks the rules, you know there would be no special treatment. 

Don't feel entitled. Don't feel like you are better than other people. 

I hope you enjoyed this. If not... sorry.